stella's gettin her groove back but the song keeps changing by the hour

holy cow, it's been awhile! just saw the date of my last entry and can't believe that over a month has passed. i suppose that's a good sign and that i've been doing more living than documenting.

i'm in a very strange place at the moment where i find myself on the verge of a life change where new options for the direction of my life are bubbling up to the surface and i feel like i need to listen to the voices of influence and do something to make a change. the difference this time is that the change in question is not necessarily about a job or a new fitness regime, it's about creative energy.

have seen some incredible films lately and a part of me really feels the urge to pick up a camera and start playing around or to put pen to paper and get a screenplay going. feel like i could be part of that world. understand it on some level. don't get me wrong, i don't fancy myself the next big thing in terms of directing it's just that i am so enamoured by people's life choices and how they deal with the bends in the road that i somehow want to add some of the stories i've heard over the course of my life to the mix. i guess part of it is that i love being in the company of people who have devoted themselve to the telling of the small stories. the unglamourous. the messy and complicated. love that the plight of a single individual who is not really "important" in terms of power or prowess is seen to be worthy of listening to and getting to know.

have also been feeling pulled to leave the classroom and explore another avenue of education. am suddenly more aware of the possibility to help shape ideology and practice within the field by participating in research and planning on a greater scale. have been encouraged and acknowledged by others as having the potential to be successful here but, until now, have felt unprepared to do so. now, after having heard about others around me dip their toes in these proverbial waters i am wondering if i haven't missed the boat for next year by accepting a classroom position.

am also feeling the need to develop my participation in the creation of ideas outside of work. am craving a yin to it's yang. have started reaching out to like minded friends and have found willing participants there. am starting to take this desire more seriously and feel like now's the time to really turn a whim into a regular practice.

incredible what a little sunshine can do. all of these things have only come to the surface since blue skies have returned. am convinced that there's a connection despite my lack of buy in to all things granola. whatever it is, i'm grateful for it. i needed to feel moved to do something more than i think i realized.