Tuesday, July 31, 2007

home sweet home

it's just after ten in the morning according to my computer but it still feels like two in the afternoon. have been up since seven, a sure sign that my system is screwed. i am many things, but a morning person is not one of them.

am completely a stranger in my own home. it has only been a month but the objects in my home seem foreign and dulled somehow. i am tempted to get a garbage bag and completely sack the lot of it. it's the colours. my apartment is an art deco place with wood floors and dark wood cabinets, doors and trim. after the airy, luminous colours that were my visual palette for so long i want to let the light in somehow but the overcast sky and the resultant darkness which surrounds me now seems wrong.

i suppose the fact that i left the day after the last day of school didn't help. all of my loot from my students is still sitting in bags and boxes everywhere, still waiting for a home.

felt like a bit of a tourist coming back into toronto yesterday. only a month but the aesthetic of both france and italy were so different that my eyes are still adjusting. crazy. imagine what a year away would do...

now that i am back i have already had niggling feelings of a need to roll up my sleeves and turn my attention back to work. feel the inner pragmatist reaching for the phone to sort out my finances and work out a plan to get myself back in the black before christmas. feel that this next month should be focused on paying for my indulgences with projects that will require my all of my attention. incredible, this guilt. incredible how a place can be so attached to a state of mind. had no idea how much tension was holed up in these walls. it's infected with a years worth of work and worry. have to open up the windows and buy a couple of plants. need to be as kind to my space as i have been to myself of late.

so clear to me now. so much easier to get perspective from a distance. when you are given the opportunity to witness and participate in another way of living life, it makes the life you were living before you stepped out of it for awhile seem so narrowly focused. fine to be inspired about changing your life when reading a novel on a beach without a watch on your arm but the real challenge is to bring those lessons into your alter ego's domain. am hoping that a clear out of all that i do not emotionally connect to in my home anymore will help to sustain this fresh perspective on the sense of self i have cultivated in warmer climes and among scintillating sea/city scapes.

didn't write for the last few days of the trip because i was just too engrossed in the living of it. just wanted to be there. it's funny. looking at my pictures (all 600+ of them!) some of the most treasured moments of my trip are not captured in them. am pleased by this. it means i remembered to be in the moment when it counted. did some participating to balance out the observing. historically i have always been more of an observer than a participant so anytime i see the balance shift a little more toward the centre, i am encouraged...there's hope for me yet!

actually lost weight while i was away if you can believe it! i guess a month without processed food, snacking and walking everywhere works. having no agenda or stress helped too i suppose...

am so grateful. was so consistently blessed with gorgeousness, opportunity, great food and company that i didn't feel worthy of it at a certain point. felt gluttonous and greedy. was ever aware of my good fortune. hope to accept it as a gift rather than fear it as a before to some darker after...old habits die hard...

thanks for listening. hope that if you've been in a place where you feel bound that you were able to escape for awhile with me. am excited to see my city, and my life for that matter, with fresh eyes. hope to continue to regale you with more discoveries of both the strange and the familiar.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

redder shade of pale

you will have to forgive me if i dont make much sense. my eyes are red from the saltwater and my skin is tight,am burnt no doubt after a seven hour day at the beach. so odd to describe it that way when said beach is on the mediterranean sea and cliffs like the ones in from here to eternity frame the landscape behind you. have to keep looking up from my chaise (with handy dandy built in visor for the face) to remind myself that this is not ipperwash. i am in another country. not just any country, italy! i am basking on the shores of land that was hard won from the greeks and other invaders over time. opulent summer homes wink at me from above, a little bit worn from the sea air but still proud of their beauty.

since this trip to positano was inspired by my sisters love for it as witnessed in the movie "under the tuscan sun" we had been keeping our eyes open for places that appeared in the film. found marcellos house and the pottery place. small world this.

the beauty here is completely different than that which i witnessed in paris. in paris you are surrounded by beauty, pristinely preserved and maintained. here i am responding to the natural beauty. the opposite face of the beauty coin. can wear this beauty on my skin, can taste it in the tomatoes, the lemons the cheese. something more organic here. guess if the seine were swimmable might be able to get a similar sensation there. the quiet here continues to astound. so calm. couldnt have timed my reading better. eat pray love was perfect for me. connected to idea of living in the moment, being grateful. am trying not to feel guilty about all that i have been able to see and do over the last month. am going to try to enjoy instead of file it somewhere in a "to be paid in kind with ridiculous amount of work and sacrifice in coming months" column of my internal ledger...

went to pompei yesterday. absolutely incredible. i have seen a few ruins in my day but nothing could prepare me for this experience. 2000 year old village life sprang to life in incredibly vivid detail. so genius. my sister and i both marvelled at how such sophistication could precede pioneer times back home. hard to get your head around how you can go from indoor plumbing engineering in ancient times to making a house of interlacing logs.

went to top of mt vesuvius too. very welcoming and lush considering it is a volcano. area around it quite tatty, a lot of garbage, lotsa laundry hanging from worn down buildings...good to get away from glitzy bit to get a broader picture of things.

food so great. am noticing not much garlic or use of parsley here, not too much oil either, is a regional thing i guess. off to rome tomorrow. if heat is anything like pompei well need gallons of water again.

a domani!

Monday, July 23, 2007

viva italia!

could it be more beautiful? i feel as though i am in a film and that the director is going to come by at any moment and tell me to get off the set so that he can film the scene properly.

my sister and i arrived in positano on saturday, spent an entire day at the beach yesterday, floating effortlessly in the crystal clear water, sun on our skin and colourful villa peppering the rocky landscape in front of us. this whole experience has been like inhabiting a postcard. my finger is constantly poised to snap a pic of nearly everything i see in all directions.

despite the initial frenzied car ride from naples airport to positano,( a white knuckled affair where a burly local named gaitano, moustache, red face, muscular squat frame had us careening into one another in the back seat as he hugged corners, cut in between cars and vespas alike, claiming the road and his rightful spot on it) the vibe here is incredibly relaxed. it is clean and quiet. dont know if it is the water on the horizon, the sun the lush flowers and vegetation, dont care really. all i know is that i am breathing deeply and havent looked at my watch in days.

we are staying in a massive apartment (strange story, when we were booking thought was in euro but was in pounds so paid a hefty sum) that has two bathrooms, both with showers and toilets, a kitchen, sink, oven, fridge, table, dishes included! and a living room with a pull out bed. we also have a balcony. this place could sleep two families. love it! so our view is of the bay and of the homes and hotels on the face of a mountainside to our right. at night is is gorgeous, we have even had fire works a couple of times.

food is incredible. best pizza i have ever tasted, the tomatoes so fresh, the basil so sweet...have gone to a different resto each night. are going to pompeii and mt vesuvius tomorrow and then rome on thursday (if the tour fills up, fingers crossed) and capri on sat. beach for the remaining days.

am reading eat, pray , love. perfect companion for this leg of my trip. all about a 34 yr old woman trying to carve out her own place in the world without guilt or shame. trying to learn how to enjoy pleasure guilt free. couldnt be more up my alley. feel so lucky to be here. so overwhelmed by the beauty that i am daily soaking in.

nice to have company again, am smiling more already. italian men (arent many young ones in this resort town) have not been brutish or pushy at all, so nice to have a smile rather than a rude gesture, makes the walking more pleasant. am so happy to be wearing all the summer gear i packed.

thats all for now, back to the internet cafe routine where time is 3 euro a half hour!

a domani!

Friday, July 20, 2007

and now, the end is near...

this is my fourth time in paris and i have been here three weeks now. even still, on this last day paris keeps unveiling more of herself to me and every inch is just as incredible as what came before. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX went on a canal tour today. friends of mine had mentioned that it was one of their favourtie parts of paris and i always looked at them quizically. i thought i had a pretty good handle on most key features but had yet to see them. the scene in amelie where she is skipping stones in the canals and a scene in the movie 2 days in paris also inspired my trip to the waterways. was purely enchanting. classic french songs played sweetly in the background as we went through locks and inside tunnels filled with rainbows (a japanese artists contribution to milennium celebrations that still runs), modern apartment buildings and public spaces dotting the sides of the canals. trees, like palms but with shiny broad leaves stood proudly on the banks. place de la villette was fantastic. huge reservoir with cool modern theatres and dance clubs either side with opportunities to rent kayaks and further along modern stylized bridges, fun parks outside the science centre...a completely different face of paris that i was sure had to be here but had as yet, to witness. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX was a three hour trip. sound of the water and sunshine coupled with the slow pace were just what i wanted. had a great meal, steak in a wine and challot sauce with potatoes cooked with cream and grilled...and then have been packing and cleaning. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx am off to read for a little while and then try to sleep so i will hear my alarm at 5:45 for tomorrows flight. has been incredible. more than i had ever imagined. will be nice to have some company though. paris is a hard place to be sometimes when you are single and are constantly being moved by your surroundings...

Thursday, July 19, 2007

short and sweet

just a couple of lines. didnt do a lot today. started with doing two loads of laundry at the local laundromat. took awhile to suss it all out. two loads of washing and drying cost me a whopping 16 euros, thats 24 dollars! how the hell to people live here...guess i could have crammed more into the washers to get my moneys worth but as it was my clothes came out pretty battered...ah well, so much for eating in a restaurant today! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX reading a great book called the rotters club by jonathan ebe. simply fantastic. its english and has a wonderful blend of humour and introspection. characters are really unique and likeable. seek it out if you can. dropped off a novel and 3 guidebooks about paris at shakespeare and company today and got 8 euros of store credit. bought irene narimovskys most famous novel. what a coup! it is exactly what i was looking for. she is the author of suite francaise who lived and wrote about the german occupation of paris and who died in auschwitz. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX while near shakespeare and company, on the left bank just across from notre dame near the seine, i went to a favourite little park with a great statue that is encircled by gorgeous, unpretentious flowers. discovered it two trips ago while travelling with my sister. read for a good couple of hours being visited by various birds and listening to the bells of notre dame signal the passing of the time. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX went to a singalong at the swan tonight. great bar where i had my embarassing lullaby of birdland fiasco. people there all remembered me by name. was shocked and touched at the same time. nice to know that the feeling of kinship was mutual. i realize that that is a very anne of green gables word but what can i say, i am tired. chanteuse who led the evening was very spirited and had props to inform and colour her interpretations. was great. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX just one more day. will try to see the canals tomorrow and pay a visit to the luxembourg gardens and read some more. might have a nice meal somewhere. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX a demain.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

the view from here

i can recall on one hand the number of times my breath has literally been taken away, watching my first film about the holocaust, seeing the gardens in versailles for the first time, the opera house in prague, watching natalie wood as maria in west side story, and now i can add emerging from the abbey at the top level of mont st michel in france. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX mt st michel is a mountain in the middle of a lake in the northwest of france near avranche, whose tallest point stands 400m high. the idea for its creation came to a priest in a dream. he was visited by saint michael as an angel who told him to build him an abbey. the priest obeyed and after years of work a masterpiece emerged from the rockface. hundreds of bricks placed by hand, winding pathways and small cottages lining the way up. it was originally inhabited by some benedictine monks who cloistered themselves there, translating scripture. it soon became a sight of pilgrimage for catholics from around the world, eager to have their souls cleansed by st michel before judgement day in heaven. apparently people would wait weeks outside, some drowning on their way from shore when the tides came in unexpectedly. even today we saw a group of pilgrims marching across the bottom of the barren lake at low tide. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX from a distance it appears to be a disney like concoction of a castle, mysterious and monolithic sitting proudly in the middle of an otherwise entirely flat landscape in all directions. you can see how in the middle ages it would have seemed like an oasis of sorts, a truly mystical place. the architecture was completed over a long period so both roman and gothic styles can be found. they actually invented the vaulted ceilings and technique of using buttresses that the gothic style is famous for. apparently they were boat builders and just borrowed the structure they would have used for the bottom of a boat as a guide. because it is a unesco protected site it is incredibly well maintained, the granite gleaming and airy. the result is that you feel opened by the space rather than dwarfed or oppressed by it as you do in other castles from the same era. it was untouched during the hundred years war and was used as a prison in the eighteenth century by napoleon. these two factors saw fortification walls and watchtowers erected, changing the aesthetic once again. now, some monks and nuns help maintain the grounds and worship there. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the abbey itself is unadorned, sparse, the colour from the once stained glass, faded. its freeing to be rid of the copious ornamentation i have seen in most other churches in the centre of paris. so much of what i have studied is more tangible now. can see how wealth invested in churches to glorify the patron would have outraged the poor whose stomachs rumbled from hunger as they attended mass. can see how the churches were also meeting places for business, cultural events, that the more ornate are clear signs of a time when church and state were intimately intertwined.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the view from the terrace just outside of the abbey is what took my breath away, immediately the universe opens up to you, there is nothing but sky in all directions, the wind, moist, is scented with sea water that awakens your senses, in every direction a new landscape reveals itself to you. to the north a sea bed with a small island, to the east marshy ground a million shades of green and farmland and fields dotted with trees, to the south and east sand, and more sand blendly seemlessly with the water just beyond. its so pure, so untainted by mans clumsy fingerprints that you immediately understand what it means to be at peace. so incredible, really, its immediately comforting, relaxing, pleasing.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX was four and a half hour drive both ways so am very sleepy but very satisfied. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX went to musee de carnavalat yesterday. was free for all citizens and tourists. great exhibition of history of france from gauls to modern day. artifacts from french revolution and reign of terror were amazing. saw paintings of marie antoinette and louis the sixteenth being beheaded to cheering crowds, saw uniforms of soldiers, saw medals soldiers, jacobins, wore, saw the famous red touques , read a hand painted version of the declaration of the rights of man, the constitution drawn up in the badminton court at versailles during the revolution. so much blood spilled for years. was interesting to see paintings of the construction of the louvre, new bridges, the tuileries etc. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX cant believe its almost over, just two more days before i am off to italy (and less computer access). bonne nuit.

the view from here

i can recall on one hand the number of times my breath has literally been taken away, watching my first film about the holocaust, seeing the gardens in versailles for the first time, the opera house in prague, watching natalie wood as maria in west side story, and now i can add emerging from the abbey at the top level of mont st michel in france. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX mt st michel is a mountain in the middle of a lake in the northwest of france near avranche, whose tallest point stands 400m high. the idea for its creation came to a priest in a dream. he was visited by saint michael as an angel who told him to build him an abbey. the priest obeyed and after years of work a masterpiece emerged from the rockface. hundreds of bricks placed by hand, winding pathways and small cottages lining the way up. it was originally inhabited by some benedictine monks who cloistered themselves there, translating scripture. it soon became a sight of pilgrimage for catholics from around the world, eager to have their souls cleansed by st michel before judgement day in heaven. apparently people would wait weeks outside, some drowning on their way from shore when the tides came in unexpectedly. even today we saw a group of pilgrims marching across the bottom of the barren lake at low tide. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX from a distance it appears to be a disney like concoction of a castle, mysterious and monolithic sitting proudly in the middle of an otherwise entirely flat landscape in all directions. you can see how in the middle ages it would have seemed like an oasis of sorts, a truly mystical place. the architecture was completed over a long period so both roman and gothic styles can be found. they actually invented the vaulted ceilings and technique of using buttresses that the gothic style is famous for. apparently they were boat builders and just borrowed the structure they would have used for the bottom of a boat as a guide. because it is a unesco protected site it is incredibly well maintained, the granite gleaming and airy. the result is that you feel opened by the space rather than dwarfed or oppressed by it as you do in other castles from the same era. it was untouched during the hundred years war and was used as a prison in the eighteenth century by napoleon. these two factors saw fortification walls and watchtowers erected, changing the aesthetic once again. now, some monks and nuns help maintain the grounds and worship there. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the abbey itself is unadorned, sparse, the colour from the once stained glass, faded. its freeing to be rid of the copious ornamentation i have seen in most other churches in the centre of paris. so much of what i have studied is more tangible now. can see how wealth invested in churches to glorify the patron would have outraged the poor whose stomachs rumbled from hunger as they attended mass. can see how the churches were also meeting places for business, cultural events, that the more ornate are clear signs of a time when church and state were intimately intertwined.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the view from the terrace just outside of the abbey is what took my breath away, immediately the universe opens up to you, there is nothing but sky in all directions, the wind, moist, is scented with sea water that awakens your senses, in every direction a new landscape reveals itself to you. to the north a sea bed with a small island, to the east marshy ground a million shades of green and farmland and fields dotted with trees, to the south and east sand, and more sand blendly seemlessly with the water just beyond. its so pure, so untainted by mans clumsy fingerprints that you immediately understand what it means to be at peace. so incredible, really, its immediately comforting, relaxing, pleasing.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX was four and a half hour drive both ways so am very sleepy but very satisfied. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX went to musee de carnavalat yesterday. was free for all citizens and tourists. great exhibition of history of france from gauls to modern day. artifacts from french revolution and reign of terror were amazing. saw paintings of marie antoinette and louis the sixteenth being beheaded to cheering crowds, saw uniforms of soldiers, saw medals soldiers, jacobins, wore, saw the famous red touques , read a hand painted version of the declaration of the rights of man, the constitution drawn up in the badminton court at versailles during the revolution. so much blood spilled for years. was interesting to see paintings of the construction of the louvre, new bridges, the tuileries etc. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX cant believe its almost over, just two more days before i am off to italy (and less computer access). bonne nuit.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

la peinture est plus forte que moi. elle me fait faire ce qu elle veut

in english this means: the drive to paint is stronger than i am, it makes me do what it wants. this fantastic little inspirational quote was taken from a postcard written in picassos handwriting which is underneath a photo of him wearing a woven, enlarged bulls head and smoking a cigarette, shirtless. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX i bought it yesterday while at the picasso museum which contains literally hundreds of his paintings, sketches, sculptures and photos. they were all acquired by the government who got them in exchange for back taxes he owed. the sheer volume of the collection is almost as striking as the pieces themselves. leaving the museum the take home message is that a true artisit is creating all of the time. by including studies and doodles drawn on scrap, pieces painted on broken earthenware, you see that for picasso, the act of making art was not a religious, ceremonial pursuit conducted solely in a studio. this led to a true integration of a human touch that allows the viewer to participate more fully in the experience somehow. as i wandered through the rooms and saw the humour and playfullness in his experimental work i found myself adding him to a list of the people, living or dead, whom id like to have dinner with. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX another quote i read was : if you already know what you are going to do then what is the point of doing it...instinctively my structured self started coming up with valid justifications and then i looked into the playful eyes of the man pictured above the phrase and let myself soak up what this mischevious man with 3 floors worth of work surrounding him had to say. this has forever been my struggle creatively. i edit as i go. before the thought has even finished formulating i am redirecting and reshaping it. art has to be process over product most of the time. yes, product is eventually the thing that you will share with the world but the quality of the product is limited to your willingness to break it apart and see what you can do with the component parts, to see if you can breathe live into them and give them their own voice. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the willingness to create so much that it can easily be thrown away is freeing too. readjusting your eyes so that you can see something in everything, everywhere is liberating too. its a sensibility that i indulge in in my own time, but given the amount of mental energy and multitasking i do in my day job, its not something i can devote myself to entirely. look at that an excuse. interesting... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX finding the museum itself is incredibly challenging. i swear it is the bermuda triangle of paris! literally spent 40 minutes in a 200m radius trying to find the bloody thing. can imagine picasso having a good laugh about it from his resting place. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX afterward i went to a free concert for strings at the madeleine. its a church that napoleon had built in a greco-roman style, numerous large columns, gold piping and marble everywhere. quite stunning, altarpiece is incredibly dramatic. was me and a group of the greyhaired with a tired tourist thrown in every once and awhile for good measure. as they were setting up i realized it was going to be a group of school kids ranging in age from about ten to 17 id say. i was a bit disappointed thinking it would be a dumbed down version of the classics. once again i was wrong. these kids, from wheaton outside of chicago were phenomenal. each one of them a virtuoso in their own right. there was no conductor and each child would take a turn being the lead player that would count them in and signal the beginning of a new form. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX one of the most stunning pieces was a (going to spell it phonetically because i have never seen in written) shastakovich piece. very tim burton, entirely creepy and otherworldly. was incredibly complex. again, i found myself and my work being trumped by people half my age. knew that only got there because of the discipline and commitment that i simply do not have. i love too many things and become restless with too much repetition of any creative or intellectual endeavour. wasnt defeated this time. was instead taking in the reality that the only way that i am going to become truly great is to become truly committed. that it is within my grasp if i choose to make it so. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX finished my book suite francaise. balled my head off. the transcripts of the personal correspondence between her and her husband and their friends as they find themselves losing their liberties as jews is heartwrenching. you have to read this! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX am off to the musee carnavalat to learn more about the history of france and to look at some memorabilia from the french revolution. then maybe to cimetaire montparnasse to visit sartre and simone de beauvoirs graves. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX only three days left until italy!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

if i were aboard the starship enterprise this would be one of my hollowdecks

went to bruges today. north american idiot i am i thought it was a translation for brussels. turns out it is a town in its own right at the northern tip of belgium near calais of tale of two cities fame. also near flanders of the famous in flanders fields fame. was wonderful to see poppies growing in the wild in wheat fields, much like the renoir painting. there is much more space between the petals and they are much more flimsy than the replicas we wear on remembrance day in canada. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX alarm went off at 6 am so had an early night last night, caught the sound of fireworks but didnt see them, went to an air show earlier in the day though, flew right over the avenue des armées. tanks, jeeps and soldiers lined all of the avenues around the arc de triomphe, was too far away to see the parade waited an hour for, ah well, i tried. but i digress, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX so bruges. bruges used to be a port city with an active harbour that rivalled venice in its day. wool there used to make tapestries that hung in castles throughout the kingdom (is still a monarchy today, one of the few in the european union) , make lace, grow flax, hops, potoatoes, oil from flaxseed used in development oil paints used in famous flemish painting. very pastoral drive on the way up. a lot of orange roofs and stone wall everywhere. one of the only medieval cities to remain entact, has never been bombed. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX entered across a bridge that had a medieval tower at one end and a view of a canal that opened up to a riverbank with swans and an abbey from the 1600s. picture postcard perfect. the water was still, the willow trees letting down their branches like rapunzel did her golden locks. the abbey was whitewashed as a symbol of purity and the grounds were dead silent, the church on the grounds, where women would pray every four hours even through the night, was spartan and the main colour being white even in the glass windows. interesting to see the stations of the cross depicted in a cartoon like, bright style rather than the harrowing, shadowy realism i am used to. much more mythical and storylike in this interpretation. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX tour guide, obnoxious, couldnt be bothered frenchman who ran ahead of the group at breakneck speed and spoke barely above a whisper gesturing mock helplessly at a jauntily tied scarf round his neck,indicating a cold, was useless. found great company for the day in two young girls one from a small town in australia, and another from london. i say young cause i felt really old, was nine years older than the oldest! anyhoo, crossed another bridge into the hub of town where restaurants had tables that spilled onto the cobblestone streets. in the winding streets, littered with chocolatiers, lace makers and nik nak shops,each with its own fingerprint and unique charm, the sound of horses hooves could be heard, each confidently leading a carriage. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX we wove our way to the old church, finished in 1107, which took 200 years to complete, all made of brick, and then boarded a boat for a canal cruise. had a fantastic boatman as our guide.wonderful sense of humour and a great passion for his work. quoted literature, pointed out unique points of interest and gave us informative details the whole way through. was so romantic. water was calm and the sides of the waterways were lined with delicate flowers, lush trees and homes with stepped facades reminiscent of those in amsterdam, shutters over the windows, iron detailing and statues of the madonna and child craftily placed (very catholic town). couldnt get over the quiet. no street sounds, no advertisements, no unecessary signs, the visual landscape was stripped bare of words and neon, very rustic. had the effect of being immediately calming. having been in paris, teeming with people at all hours of the day and night in all arrondisments, its scaled back, quiet offerings were the equivalent of being in a sensory deprivation chamber which only excluded the sense of noxious sound. incredible. would be perfect place to make peace with yourself, write a novel... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX people were very warm and friendly, all spoke english and french well even though it is a flemish area. went to an open air market. some junk, some nice handiwork. then went to lunch at a modern restaurant with clean lines, airy layout and great food. was called loretto i believe... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX next went to buy chocolate as gifts for those at home, though some have started to melt already...bought some chocolate dipped waffles, so saccharin! then went to a lace shop and got a great black lace fan, very anna karenina.love it. next wandered to look at a gallery and down some sidestreets we had not yet explored. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX was fantastic gem of a place that i would highly recommend. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX saw 2 days in paris yesterday at a theatre on the champs elysee. nine euro ! was interesting to see it with a parisien audience. able to laugh at themselves easily. was great to see it from the other point of view. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX planning on a simple day tomorrow then to a vivaldi string concert tomorrow night!

Friday, July 13, 2007

le soleil, le soleil que j adore le soleil!

not only can i write titles again, it was sunny today! i wanted to make like a british child star a la chitty chitty bang bang and sream Hooray! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the moment that i saw the sky turn to blue i got dressed, grabbed my journal and headed for the tuileries (a park right in between la place du concorde-former sight of the guillotine and the area that the cyclists pass during la tour de france, and the palais du louvre, famous art gallery). i chose this locale particularly because in university i read simone de beauvoirs biography and she often used to go there as a child. she was one of the early existentialist writers and lived in paris for awhile during the occupation. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX have been writing on and off, notes and thoughts really and today started to rewrite passages and shape them. went well, was pleased that my thoughts came readily. while i had applied sunscreen liberally to my face, i had neglected to do so for my arms and legs. as a result i now have bright pink arms and legs (pink on one side, that is, the other is a nice milky white). despite the glares i got on the metro, i am glad to have felt the sun on my skin (and continue to in its absence, my legs are literally emanating heat as i type). XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX after my cliché auteur moment in the public park, i went to buy a ticket for the ballet this evening. i wanted to go for two reasons. the first was that the ballet was created fourteen days before the revolution and is rarely performed in reperatory companies. its called la fille mal gardée and follows a young woman, cinderella like in her duties on the farm, her solitude and her existence under the watchful eye of an overprotective mother. she falls in love with a village boy but is arranged to be married to a wealthy boy she does not love. it was highly comedic and simple, no real obstacles presented. a lot of folk dance forms and bit of choreography intertwined as was set in the countryside. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx the second reason that i wanted to go was because it was taking place at the opera house in the centre of the city. its so prominent that it sits at the centre of about 6 or so streets that emanate outward from it. it has marble columns, gold statues, a grand staircase (think the one from titanic, make it wider and add more statues and gold) and to get to my seat i had to go through a private door to a box i shared with five others lined with burgandy floral velvet wallpaper, a chaise, a mirror, a coat rack and wonderful velvet seats. it was on the first balcony and only one other person showed up (a really sweet french professor visiting from russia)so we got to sit at the front of the box. the interior was over the top. columns midway through the semicircle created special boxes with velvet curtains and statues, the gold was musted and stately and the ceiling was adorned with a mural by marc chagall. he did it in 1964, looked otherworldly and almost garish compared to the old world décor elsewhere. bright blues, yellows and pink-reds which depicted scenes from famous ballets or portraits of composers.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx loved the opportunity to dress up and to be among other art enthusiasts. really are an educated and appreciative crowd, les parisiens. loved imagining the people who had shared my seat at one time or another. i believe it was originally constructed in 1669. blows my mind. once again the idea that these gorgeous interiors clung to life as wars of all stripes raged on outside its walls is mindboggling.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX its bastille day tomorrow. am going to try to jostle for a spot on the champs elysées to see the parade from the arc de triomphe to place de la concorde. should be celebrations well into the evening. cant wait!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

and so, just as the wafer thin morsel drove the gluttonous mans stomach to explode in monty pythons meaning of life, so too did my desire to have just one more song prove to be my undoing.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX went to another jazz jam tonight. was truly on the fence all day. my hair looked like crap and i was having shoe dilemmas, all signs that i should have left well enough alone, but alas...went out to a place called the swan in the montparnasse area. have never really ventured out that way before. huge boulevards and great restaurants, very lived in kind of feel. when i arrived i was the only person there besides the bartender, the owner a singer and a pianist. thought that she was going to be the animatrice for the evening but it turns out that it was her gig and i had misread the time of the jam by 2 hours. i was a half an hour late as it was so that made an hour and a half of time to kill. all signs were telling me to just pack it up and go home but something in me stayed. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX i chatted with the bartender a bit. her accent was a bit anglosized but i couldnt quite catch the origin. she had a pixie punk hairdo and a silver starburst painted on her right cheek near her eye, late twenties, early thirties. the owner, a pushy jewish american expat with a mel lastman like hair piece and an old suit was ordering the bartender to make him a new drink he had read about whose main ingredient was a bubblegum flavoured liquer. she rolled her eyes at him but obliged in a way that said she had been there awhile. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the singer had a great tone, didnt take a lot of risks vocally but chose tunes that sat nicely in her range. after having listened to my exchanges with the bartender the owner turned to me and asked if i spoke english (little bit of a crush to my french abilities but my accent and phraseology really does suck when i am tired, its plodding and flat) he said that everyone there was english so why not just switch and be comfortable. turns out the bartender was from scotland but had been in paris for thirteen years. she is a painter and a drummer and has aspirations to sing but hasnt worked up the courage. i heard her singing along with the vocalist and she had a great voice. i encouraged her to take the plunge. little did i know that i was going to end up epitomizing all of the things she feared would happen to her on stage... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx lyon, the owner said that he taught at the university for years. political science and american history. just bought the bar a couple of years ago. was very dynamic, shook hands with everyone who came in the door, a more polished version of ben stillers dad. he said he was concerned about the direction that politics in the states are leaning. we chatted about michael moore and afghanistan a bit. so interesting when you peel back the layers... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX when the jam session musicians arrived they introduced themselves and made me feel very welcome. i was practically one of the family at this point, no other patrons yet...the pianist was a more latin, hefty looking robert de niro, prominent mole on the cheek and all. was a sparse, classical player that was pretty structured in his approach. bass player had a ponytail, an electric stand up bass that he had tailor made. as more people arrived i was the first to sing. sang im a fool to want you. no diversions this time so went over very well. felt comfortable and got some good feedback. the other people there were pretty inexperienced with a couple of exceptions. so great that people take risks in such unfamiliar territory. it would be like me stepping up to pitch a game of baseball! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX was impressed by the way everyone sang in english. songs sounded so cute with the french accent at times. was a young girl with a great spirit and good ear. couple of other girls there travelling together that were in some kind of vocal jazz collective, had pretty solid stuff. because there were so few of us, we got to do another tune. again, i was first on the roster, did lullaby of birdland. piano player was a bit anxious about playing it in my key so i offered to do it in another that would be more simple for him. yes, for him. for me...not so much. i had a rough start but found my groove and although i was singing in my boots i got through the first run alright. because the others were finding their way as well, they were reluctant to solo, feeling the tune sag i came back in , a little to early for the chorus to pick things up again, scatted my way in atrociously and ended in the most random, bizarre, god awful way possible, i was dying. it was like watching a train wreck and i because of the odd key i had no vocal ideas to get myself out of it. blech. the thought of it makes me cringe. still, people clapped politely. my prior reputation tarnished significantly. even the inexperienced ones had to be kind with their applause. did i not say that fate would intervene and kick me in the ass if i got greedy...XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXso funny, was the second time today that i was humbled. went to the virgin superstore on the champs elysées and bought the new amy winehouse cd and the madelaine peyroux. when i put on the winehouse i literally lost my breath. this chick kicks butt. just when i was thinking that i could make a go of it myself and that i was making real strides as a performer...am loving the feist cd as well. listen to it at least twice daily. the songwriting is sublime. feel pretty cut down. reality checks, though useful and grounding make you incur a few scrapes along the way. am going to try not to abandon my own efforts to create and to carve my own space but will likely not sing here as a soloist again before i go. (i was invited to a sing along at the swan next thursday where everyone gets lyrics to common arias and folk tunes and sings the night away, love it!)XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX cant get over the warm reception i have been getting from the musical community here. dont feel awkard or out of place at all. wonder if i would be as open if the shoe was on the other foot...XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX read a good chunk of the novel suite francaises today. its incredible. was written by a well known parisien writer in the early 1940s during the war. existed in the form of two different stories in unedited manuscript form. the author was jewish and captured and sent to auschwitz and died there before it could be published. a woman found the manuscript, edited it and translated it and kept her observations alive. so incredible...the urgency to write about our experience seems intrinsic.XXXXXXXXXX a demain.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

its beginning to feel alot like christmas...i sang at another club tonight! this is fantastic! am having the experience, performance wise, that i had hoped for. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX despite another cold and rainy day where i meandered, confidently at first, and then in complete bewilderment, for two and a half hours today, i decided to take another crack at singing here. i had made a commitment to myself to check out a vocal jazz jam that i had read about it my handy dandy Pariscope. my impulse was to snuggle my soggy self into the couch and start my new novel. after having sung already, i didnt want to be greedy and tempt fate. thought for sure that if i kept going back for more time at the mic that tragedy and missteps would ensue.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX thankfully i got over myself and just started walking toward the metro. the club in question was in the sorbonne area in the latin quarter. it was a good fifteen minute walk from the metro stop and i walked past my familiar haunts going into unknown, unpopulated, but safe, monied and clean territory. when i arrived i was half an hour into the scheduled start time. as a musician myself i know to tack on half an hour to an hour to so called start times in clubs. the place was called café universal. had black and white tiles, dark lighting and jazz paraphenalia all around. very lived-in and homey.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX bartender was friendly and were barely any people there. took a seat in the first row and tried to get myself sorted. read the posters, many of which were in english, verified fact that would be opportunity to go up and sing. there was a tall woman with a stylish afro already seated. there was a woman singing tunes on the tv somebody russell, totally cheesy choices. the barman loved it. i worried that i would be in for a night of heartfelt karaoke. she asked me if i knew the woman and we started to chat. she heard my english accent and told me she used to live in connecticut and she recently moved back to paris, grew up here. was very warm and open. soon another woman came by and heard us speaking english (one of the rare times i gave myself permission to go-anglo) and introduced herself. she was a fashion writer for a gossip mag in australia. very open and friendly, she soon joined us and we chatted until the show started. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX before the show i checked my wallet to pay for my drink and i realized that in changing purses to match my outfit i forgot to transfer the ten euro i had planned to cover the nights expenses. stepped out to find a bank machine (coverd a three block radius) and for about the millionth time since i have been here, found myself at a loss. its positively bizarre that a city bursting at the seems with opportunity to consume goods has so few opportunities to withdraw money! en tout cas...decided to just charge it instead and returned to the club. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX so we are about to begin and a woman comes by and tells me that i am in her spot. i protest and indicate that my wine is there and she says she left some things to mark her place. there was a hat there when i first arrived but...she started to explain that she had to be there and her boyfriend, situated beside me wasnt going anywhere either. pissed, i moved but communicated body language wise that i was not happy about it. my auzzie friend,glynis, had also been transplanted during my quest for a bank machine so i joined her. moments later i would discover that she was co-hosting the evening...zut alors! pretty quick karma i would sayXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX the other host for the evening was a man formerly from martinique named marc. had the funky shades, a jazzy vibe and a velvet voice that when scatting sounded trumpet like. sublimely talented and adept at making us all feel the vibe he was the perfect host. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX after he did a tune and my seat taker co-host pixie woman did her own little ditty i was first to be called up. i didnt have charts with me but i did have the piano and vocals on sheet music. the piano player, young guy, curly hair, glasses and beard, no drama, pretty straightforward kind of chap took a quick look and then gave it to the bass player. i did the song im a fool to want you. they started super crazy slow allowing me to really savour every note. had never done it that way before and gave me more time to play with phrases. was in good voice for most of the tune and tried to innovate when came back in for the b section but faltered a little before rescuing myself but got a great response from the crowd.could have heard a pin drop. saw lots of smiles as i looked out and had a number of people come up to me afterward to congratulate me. so incredible to have a tool that translates across an ocean. feel lucky that was able to connect with the other musicians and with the crowd so effortlessly. the universality of the musical language seems like a kitschy (sp) t-shirt slogan till you find yourself jamming with total strangers and understanding one another as though you had rehearsed for weeks. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX host asked me where i was from and if music was my day job. was flattered, especially given his talent. when tried to pay for my drinks at bar later, the machine wouldnt read my credit card! a man with a group of friends from madrid told me his card wasnt accepted either and not to worry about it. offered to pay for me saying that he really enjoyed my performance, that my voice touched him. so sweet! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX next, glynis got up and did a fantastic rendition of black coffee. deep, smooth as velvet voice and a very intelligent delivery. singing is not her day job either and in between bars when she had a break you could see her humour slip through as she was enjoying, in an out of body way, the fact that she was even up there. then sonya got up, the amero-parisien woman and did a stunning version of jimmy hendrixs hey joe. without guitar and drums she really had to work herself into quite a state to bring it alive but she reached deep and gave an incredibly dramatic performance, beating herself in the chest, rocking a little bit, not in a crazy no-talent and deluding herself kind of way, but in a truly inspired way. this chick had cajones the size of watermelons. i want to be just like her when i grow up. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX then a local guy with a file of charts a russian novel deep, got up and did a tune. he had on a check shirt with a wool pullover, a neat hairstyle and practical glasses. not the most soulful performance but he could scat like nobodys business. later in the evening the host and another local had a scat-off in the middle of a tune, very call and answer in structure and playful. chatted to another couple beside us who were from holland but spoke perfect english then glynis (hate that i cant use apostrophes, is killing me!!) fedora wearing friend tyler, came by. guilty as it was not to be trying to speak french, it was very relaxing...XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX had to leave at quarter to twelve because the last train left at twelve thirty. just made it. girl from holland told me about another jazz jam tomorrow at the swan...do i dare... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX another coup i want to write about. broke down after my two and a half hours of being lost and decided to actually eat in a restaurant. one i wanted to go to was full so went to a creperie next door. havent had one yet and,well, when in rome right...so i was one of only two people there. the crepe was six euro and i asked for some juice and some water. crepe was good, new wheat kind, are getting health conscious about all the white flour they use i guess... anyway, so i ask for the bill and he tells me its fourteen euros! i was stunned. how could water and a juice be eight euro (twelve dollars!) he came and showed me the menu again, he had charged me for the water when i just wanted tap, i even clarified and said naturale, non gaz. anyhoo, i told him that was crazy, that it was insane to charge me that, orange juice was less than the size of an everfresh bottle, i held my ground, i had been speaking french the whole time, he started to speak english, i continued in french to show him i was no foolish tourist and he knocked off the price of the water saying, fine, do what you want, i dont care, dont pay for the water then...so i didnt! yeah me. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxx bon soir, a demain.

Monday, July 9, 2007

left at 6:30 this morning for a day trip to see the d day beaches of normandy. was great to get out of the city and see some greenery. learned a tonne about the history of the area, including the fact that is was settled by norsemen in the third century who also held power in england. william the conqueror was actually a norseman and stayed in france, claiming it as english territory for years, was actually buried here. french king for many years only held title to the isle de france , esentially paris. seems our canadian battles for territory have similar patterns. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX stone cottages on the hillsides were breathtaking. incredibly still standing, moss between the cracks of oddly sized stones. so well maintained. that they have been here for hundreds of years is incredible, canada is such a young country and we have such a history of demolishing to recreate that you simply dont have anything like it as a visual frame of reference. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX as though it were some act of pathetic fallacy, it rained once again all day and the temperature did not go above fifteen degrees. guess fate wanted to give us the virtual experience the soldiers faced descending on the beaches from cold ocean waters.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx as a proud canadian, i was somewhat disappointed by the fact that juno beach didnt warrant a stop on the tour.we drove by the beach and saw it from the bus (though barely, i got enlarged shots of raindrops and passengers reflections!) and i clicked just in time to get a pic of the monument erected to the canadian soldiers. not quite the grandaughter calling to her grandad moment whilst standing at the face of a cliff i had imagined but alas i paid my own respects in my own way as we went along. strange to see the beaches now. they are positively gorgeous. golden sand, lush shorelines dotted with modern cottages and opportunities to rent bikes, play tennis or have a meal. this is where the wealthy have their summer homes,and rightly so...but... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX stopped in a town called arromanches. was the sight of one of the impromptu ports that churchill planned and designed. they literally assembled pathways and transport strips from sections that were brought by separate barges. this enabled them to drive tanks, jeeps and supplies from sea to shore more efficiently. there are remnants of the structure still standing in the harbour. huge, moss covered carcasses that speak to what must have been an overwhelming physical presence at the time. the photos of the port in action are unbelievable, an incredible feat of engineering and logistics. their monstrous presence really counterbalanced the tone of the quaint seaside town, unlike omaha beach, once referred to as bloody beach because of the 9000 americans that lost their lives there, that now has no physical reminder of all that happened there. it is sumptuous uncluttered and literally velvet to the touch. had to really work hard to imagine the scene from saving private ryan where they were all climbing over corpses to make it through. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX really hoping to connect emotionally, i hit the sweet spot, so to speak, when we went to the tops of the cliffs between omaha and utah beaches, a place called pointe du hoc. here, the remnants of pillboxes and batteries (name for place where canons overlooking sea were), blasted apart by bombs from above and grenades from footsoldiers, were open for inspection. you could see the stairs leading to the holding cells, could climb into foxholes and any number of massive bunkers that litter the area. it was a major german stronghold thought to be impenetrable. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX looking into these bunkers and recalling the photos of the throngs of men who squatted there, your heart sinks. they are sitting ducks if approached from above and easy pickings for a sniper who crawled over the edge on his belly. they were so deep i could not get my head around how they could be anything but a death trap.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX seeing the dense stone and metal blown to bits made things visceral. imagine the impact on flesh...the irony that a place with such a gorgeous panoramic view should be the sight of so much death...there were stories everywhere. i can understand how filmmakers and novelists could make their lifes work on the subject. the incredible bravery and determination required to pull off such a bold attack, in stormy weather, surrounded by hordes of fallen camarades within minutes of arrival... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX i was particularly moved by the stories of those who parachuted or flew gliders in to capture two key bridges in the area (pegasus bridge was one of them) and by the group of soldiers who scaled the cliffs at pointe du hoc. apparently they miscalculated, landed 3km down the beach from their target area and arrived 40min late, taking away the element of surprise in their attack. as they climbed up the cliff face, they were shot at and their rope ladders cut down. with each soldier down a new one took his place and the effort continued, ropes replaced with metal ladders until they finally reached the top. once there they saw movement in the bushes from a canon that was going to fire on the beach below. the men threw grenades and killed the men, preventing the attack, unprepared, a group of 100 germans were captured over the next few weeks. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX pretty incredible. am sure have got parts of it wrong and am sure its losing something in the translation but it makes you marvel at one persons ability to put an ideal and another mans freedom ahead of his own. humans are incredible creatures. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX american cemetary of 9000 or so crosses was stunning. all marble. about 6000 i believe have names. the sheer number is staggering. tried to read as many names as i could as a means of acknowleding them. many unknown soldiers there...it had to have been someones job to drag, tag and lay them to rest. so much blood on so many quiet hands. always wonder about the ones who do the cleaning up. the ones who must have had to travel to the shoreline at low tide every day to collect the debris. these too are brave acts, ones that stain the mind as deeply. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX glad i did it. a glutton for all things melancholy i was at first somewhat disappointed that the artifacts were behind glass and not always visible. the more i learned about the area itself i realized that over the centuries, blood has tainted soil and shores of most areas at one time or another and life continued over and around it. needed to remember that they died to give the life that thrives around their fallen bodies. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX am anxious to read the book suite francaise that i bought before coming about living in paris during the occupation. heard a little bit about it today on the tour. nazi flag hanging in the arc de triomphe, nazi army marcing along the champs elysee every morning...the idea! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX am tired, now go, run, read and explore more now that i have piqued your interest!share your own comments if you have more to add.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

i am so comfortable i could cry. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX i have been on vacation for a week but feel like this is the first day that i have truly relaxed. left the hotel this morning. only when faced with a queen sized bed, a kitchen and a place that is already a home, did i realize that until now i still had my workaday game face on. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX as much as i told myself that,given my three week stint, i would treat this as a regular holiday with the sole difference being that it was situated in paris,it has not really worked out that way. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX when you wake up, open the curtains and are faced with sacre coeur in all its mighty grace and are chidingly greeted by a cleaning woman at your door when you wake for your morning pee at 10 am, you haul your ass out of bed and put in a good days worth of sightseeing goddammit. no lounging around watching daytime tv until oprah as you would on holidays at home. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX and so, i found myself structuring my days, assigning myself a different area of paris to explore every day. i would leave at around 10:30 and would not return to the hotel until around 5. then i would try to find something to do in the evenings every other night. you can take a girl out of a structured environment... XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX now that i am here, in a real home, cloistered by other apartments, facing the interior of a tiny courtyard i do not have the pressure of paris breathing down my neck, allowing me to breathe and to sleep, read and write privately, rather than in a parisian journal in a park somewhere. i know, you hate me. oh the pressure of paris, yes, how cruel, poor thing, to carry your burden...but i am being truthful. at times i felt like a punished child sent to play outside to get some forced fresh air while the housework was being done. i just wanted to be lazy and sleep in until noon, is that so wrong XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (brief interruption, the computer i am using wonèt let me use an apostrophe or a question mark, quotation marks or the brackets i need to insert spaces in text so i apologize if itès really dense to read) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX i have time now to digest and compose rather than spew. will try to leave travel highlights in the first couple of paragraphs for those of you interested in all things paris primarily. the rest will be the unloading of my brain after a year of insane work. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX oh yes, THE CONCERT! went to see the paris symphony last night at the théatre de chatelet (a theatre that specializes in the presentation of musicals if you can imagine!). it is a gorgeous space next to the seine with five levels of red velvet seating and gold metalwork and lamps festooning the first row of seating throughout. gold leaf adorns the wooden frame of the stage and there is a beautiful mural and chandelier on the ceiling. was a free concert which focused on film themes. the place was packed with music lovers and there was literally not an empty seat to be found. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX among the themes featured were:star wars, legends of the fall, out of africa, harry potter, indiana jones, lawrence of arabia, stargate, cyrano de bergerac and e.t. was absolutely breathtaking. was moved to tears a couple of times. was so evocative and moving. art guarantees survival, remember... the musicians themselves swayed and moved as a group as they played, impossible at times to play such rousing pieces in an impersonal way. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX french horns, oboe and percussion were particularly good. conductor was great. acknowledged soloists and had great enjoyment of music and his players. when it was over the crowd exploded, clapping as though at a soccer match, cheering for sections of the orchestra as though they were rock stars. the overwhelming applause led to not one but two encores which were played to a still full house ten minutes after the show was to be over. do these people appreciate their art or what! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX listening to the new feist album that i brought with me. great to have music part of my day again, dont own an ipod, technology like that will take me at least a couple more years to warm up to. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX going to normandy tomorrow. unfortunately the english tour caters mostly to americans so will most likely only see american cemetary, hope driver will be able to point out some canadiana along the way. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX bon soir.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

was a patch of sunlight yesterday so i went to les jardins luxembourg. love them. sat and watched kids float boats, listened to the fountains, read my book wearing my new scarf that officially makes me an honourary frenchwoman! had to buy one. it is freezing-not even reaching 20 most days and is overcast and windy. didn't even bring jeans and only brought a light jacket as an afterthought!

stood outside the park hyatt for about an hour today with hordes of others (including international paparazzi) to see eva longoria and her beau. only ended up seeing her bridal party but was directly next to the window of the van they got into. was able to hear the conversation of the bridesmaids! they are wearing red by the way.

am going to the symphony. they are doing a tribute to film scores. should be great. tried to see some jazz last night but they were going to make me pay for a meal to listen! watched prison break in french instead. they also have y&r and an equivalent of ugly betty. survivor and big brother spin offs also exist! am learning more about the french from their tv than their grand palais!

gotta run, my time is running out!

p.s. worked up the courage to eat alone in a place i have been eyeing all week. yeah me! had a salad with warm chevre, nuts, honey and tomato. was great!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

new haunts!

was another cold and wet day in paris. spent the morning and afternoon exploring le marais. i finally found all of the parisiens! was nice to be away from throngs of tourists and in a winding neighbourhood with galleries, gorgeous hidden 16th century courtyards and great boutiques (bought a lot of gifts today...)

one find in particular was la musee carnavalate. was absolutely breathtaking. gardens with sculptured greenery, gorgeous flowers and a yellow walled courtyard with amazing statues. will have to bring a book next time and spend about an hour there.

also went to one of the first major squares in paris, les vages, again, will be my new hangout if the weather ever permits an afternoon reading on the grass!

also found a fantastic church which was built for the first batch of jesuits to stay in paris. had old world charm, dirtied walls, deeply coloured frescoes, wood and a portrait of christ as a young boy with joseph, was called st paul-st louis

gotta run , my session is ending!

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

i did it!

i did it! i sang in a jazz club in paris. in montmartre no less. on rue lepic! (famous hangout of van gogh, picasso etc). was one of those famed caves where the music is played in a basement and the walls are covered in stones to look like a cave.

when i saw the advertisement in pariscope for the event i was a bit suspect. my neighbourhood is the sexed up (and not in an attractive way) part of town where peep shows and x rated theatres abound. knew i would be stumbling home late and heavily endowed as i am, i have been getting a lot of comments while walking in the area in daylight.

anyway, the place was called autour midi...minuit. nice restaurant upstairs and nice, completely non-sketchy basement. was one of the first to arrive and as usual, band was late starting by about 45 minutes. when did get on stage was a trio. pianist was earnest guy, very similar to carrie bradshaw's gay bespectacled friend (stanley?). bass player was very frainche, lanky, long hair, unframed specs, loved him almost instantly. turns out the deal was that they would play a set and then open things up for musicians in the crowd to join in. very much like it is at the Rex in Toronto. my heart skipped a beat. could not believe that an opportunity had presented itself so early in my trip to sing. didn't have my camera or my music with me. probably what made it happen in the first place. no expectations, right?

so when the time comes i approach the pianist and give him my top three suggestions, he leaps at the suggestion of lullaby of birdland. excited, i grab a pen and record the lyrics as i am notorious for forgetting them. the room starts to fill up and a lot of music school kids show up as well as some seasoned musicians who have since left the intense scene for day jobs.

just like in toronto, jazz jams and vocalists don't mix. even though i was the first on the list, i didn't end up going on until about an hour into the jam. the music was great. one group of twenty somethings were great. the pianist was five foot nothing but played like he was carving and shaping the melody from the keys like a sculptor. he almost stood as he played, scatting aloud as he played, his fingers ahead of his ideas. was quite incredible to watch. the chemistry between players throughout the evening was also amazing. one of the only times you see affection and open admiration among men. would look at each other and smile when were grooving collectively and would nod approvingly after a buddy did a wicked solo.

the room was reverent, really knowledgeable, clapped after solos! the only other singer was a skinny, fried haired, granolaesque woman who was tone deaf but did a very personally meaningful rendition of summertime. she was up there when i went to go up and the host suggested she play some harmonica on my tune and i almost died! as it was the bassist didn't know the tune and the key that i told them to play was a bit higher than normal. thank god i played stupid when she asked me what key we were in. she didn't end up playing after all, we were all grooving so well i don't think she had enough experience to know what to do with herself. had a great time. i was in good form and sang well. was confident, looked at the audience, experimented a little bit and had a great, repeat the line three times ending.

when it was over, drummer said 'bravo' and piano player said 'great stuff' the people sitting near the front nodded and smiled, an old guy winked, the people sitting next to me said 'tu as une belle voix'. was extrememly satisfying but once i got started i wanted more!...

it has been overcast every day since i arrived and has rained every day. there was a downpour yesterday so i ended up going to see a movie in le marais. was oceans 13. gratefully was in english with french subtitles. not a great film but it looked great and the non sequitors between clooney and pitt were great.

went to the centre pompidou today. was raining again! is a great space with some great work. i am not a great fan of modern art but i want to like it so i thought i would give it a try. great sculptures outside on the water, great views of the city. was a fantastic exhibit made of wood with glass bottles, a velvet cape and glowing light inside. the upper permieter of the piece read 'art is a guarantee for sanity'. have decided that it is my new mantra and want to have t shirts made in honour of it. will have to write a song about it.

one exhibit by annette messager was fantastic. really pushed the boundaries and said something new. first part was a series of stuffed oversized cut up body parts in sacs on pulleys that randomly would rise and fall. there was a room of stuffed animals whose limbs were mixed up or missing, also on pulleys that were in cirque like orientations and moved in odd ways. was like watching stuffed animals come to life, they had a strange life though...another room was filled with a red satin sheet. under the sheet was a village. the cloth billowed from another room. the fabric would billow from wind artificially produced creating an effect of the fabric seeming to pour and spill over the city.made you want to move away to prevent it from reaching you. when was at its peak, black skeletons of odd creatures came down to the ground on pulleys. fantastic. yet another room had black looking dust bunnies, about 50 of them, suspended on thin thread blowing in the air like frozen birds.

was caught in rain shower on the way out and ruined my shoes, developed a tonne of blisters, walked for miles for a shoe store to buy flipflops to save me. when bought them and got brief reprieve, rained again and plastic toe thong thing generated new set of blisters!

had quiet night with friends.

off to read my edition of 'le monde'

a tout a l'heure!

Monday, July 2, 2007

la vie a paris!

paris, je t'aime!

it just doesn't get any better than this. my hostel is at the foot of montmartre and from my fifth floor room, my french doors open up to a framed view of sacre coeur in all of its glory. it's positively luminous and practically hums with energy. its a fantastic grounding point every morning, reminding me of just where i am.

spent my first day wandering the familiar streets of montmartre and saying hello to fave spots, carousel near les abbesses, cafe fourmi, great accessories shops, fantastic paperie. was so exhausted that after a trip to the local grocery store (the produce is incredible, i am in love with the tomatoes and eat them like fruit!) i settled into bed and devoured my edition of pariscope (the equivalent of now magazine here.)

yesterday i went to the marche puces. it's about six blocks of open air markets where everything from sneakers to vintage night dresses are sold. was a great vibe. got a flair for the ethnic part of paris that has eluded me on other trips. noticed that the further out you go on the subway line the more multicultural the residents that live there are. true of toronto too, i've noticed.

was followed by an armenian guy for about a block. really creepy, i stopped, he stopped, tried to lose him for a good five minutes or so. bought two fantastic purses for 10 euro each! was surprised at how familiar so much of the merchandise was. tacky seems to be a universal language. bob marley paraphenalia featured prominently as did stalls of hoochie mama bar tops made of stretch fabric.

was about to give up when turned onto rue roisiers and came across a woman selling fantastic one of a kind jewellery. magpie that i am i spent about half an hour drooling over her wares. she was the female equivalent of johnny depp in his captain jack role. she had dyed black hair, cleopatra black eyes, silver bangles and smoked a cigarette determinedly throughout my visit. by the end of my encounter, i'd spent my entire splurge budget! ah well, it was worth it!

next, i meandered along windy pathways where beautiful antique furniture from around the world was displayed. at the end of a densely packed corridor i heard cabaret music coming from a restaurant. a more than middle aged woman with a black bouffant and red lips was belting out folk tunes to a packed to the guills tourist crowd. smiled to myself thinking how odd a context it must be for such a song to inhabit now.

after five hours of walking i came back to my room and watched super nanny, france's version on tv and napped. later i met up with a friend who took me to a canadian bar along the seine. was incredible, they even served poutine! the waiters walked around with ottawa senators shirts and hockey jerseys and several patrons had flags or had painted maple leafs on their cheeks. have been speaking french exclusively (and loving every minute of it!) so felt like was cheating in a way to be around so much english. was incredible to be sipping a pint while watching notre dame glow in the background, shadows from the bateau mouche casting wonderful images on the gorgeous homes across the water.

spent the morning at le cimitere montmartre. love going to graveyards here. the monuments are spectacular and act as signposts of the times. love to feel a bit of the person's spirit as reflected in the choice of artwork or an amusing epitaph.

sang the flower duet to myself as i stood in front of delibes' tomb. love that song, one of my all time favourites. then went to the tomb of alexandre dumas. fantastic novelist. is a marble relief of his body lying down. flowers had been placed in his crossed arms. wrote a wonderful passage that sat on the ceiling above his reclined body. really emananted a powerful energy.

on my way to pay my respects to berlioz, who i never did find, i was struck by a simple stone, modern and grey that had a black and white photograph at the centre of two names(annick and pierre fafeur). the photo looked to have been taken in the 30's. the two of them were arm in arm, eating icecream and walking down a boulevard, they were absolutely beaming with happiness. i stopped in my tracks, moved by the story that instantly came to mind. instantly saddened that no matter who i might find in the future, i'll never have a photo of us together during a time like that, where the world was in front of you and you were playfully lost in each other. there's a song in there i'm sure.

on the way back, went to sit in sacre coeur. wanted to be moved by the interior as much as i am by the exterior. found that its expanse and polished glowing splendour left me a bit distant from the soulfullness i like to feel in places of worship. the reds were too red, the purples almost neon, christ himself, tall and imposing was almost too handsome.

am off to the canadian embassy for a fete. going to the centre pompidou tomorrow.

photos will have to wait, forgot the chord that would let me upload them, zut alors!

a tout a l'heure.