spent the morning in a think tank of sorts where a new initiative was being discussed and colleagues who had test piolted the approach were discussing their process. geek that i am, i get off on this kind of thing and set my wheels in motion, ready to listen and plan in parallel as they spoke.
the philosophy behind the approach was practical and focused, the energy in the room, charged. i was so grateful to hear this kind of thing being proposed that i felt inspired again, ready to roll up my sleeves and get dirty.
i turned to my two bosses, hoping for a conspiratorial smile but found instead that one was going through her mail and the other, checking her blackberry. sigh.
when the interactive part of the session came around and representatives from different areas had to post their performance levels on a variety of measures they both scrambled to justify reasons why we should post a titch higher than the results we had compiled before arriving. i nearly laughed. we had spent the morning talking about the importance of being truthful in order to facilitate genuine change and there they were, ready to throw it away for the sake of saving face.
the kicker was when they considered passing out a handout during a staff meeting as fulfilling the professional development component! two hours discussing the importance of mentoring, sharing best practice and using data to bolster growth, two hours of colleague testimonials, two hours of people from across the city gathering to change the direction of the system and a handout is enough to mentally tick the box!!!!!!!
ah the life of the idealist is a tormented one. to come so close....what to do when your superiors don't get it? how do these people get these positions? how is it we could be in the same room, hear the same things and walk away with such different take home messages?
to top it all off, as we were leaving and talking to my bosses' boss, they turned to me and said "it all really needs to come from our staff" , defeated i replied, "no it has to come from above" (a comment supported by their boss but which fell on deaf ears)..deferring again! shifting responsibility again! avoiding direct influence over staff again!
and so i am left with two options. take this on and run with it because i am turned on by it (incurring the wrath of colleagues who'll think i am kissing ass or developing a god complex) or i can watch the whole thing die a quiet death.
it's times like these that i wish i was one of those people who never creep beyond the boundaries of their assigned roles, who are happy to adjust to whatever comes down the pipe rather than refit it altogther for greater flow.
but where's the fun in that?
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