Friday, April 20, 2007

rain on my parade

been reading a lot of charles bukowski's poetry lately. it's conversational and immediately accesible.no ridiculous references to obscure greek gods. thematically it's an honest look at the banal aspects of life and the ridiculous things we do because of loneliness.

i say this because i had a shitty encounter with a colleague today that put a pall on an otherwise really successful workshop i led that i had put a lot of thought and effort into. thought instead of just waxing philosophic about it that i would borrow from mr. bukowski and turn it into a poem. (

it's friday and we're all in jeans we look like people again. a group forms around the food table. the naturally skinny are going for the muffins and the self-conscious and health-conscious pick at slices of melon.

i'm reading over notes, checking to see that packages are in order. i'm keen but wear it as honestly as the slackers openly checking their blackberrys. start the spiel and most eyes are on me feigned interest from some, genuine curiosity from others.

still talking and have only heard a few sidebar comments pretty good considering there's often open disdain. questions come, hit em out of the park we're on our way and working i'm in the clear- or so i think...

am buzzing with the flow of productive, complicit professional activity and run head on into an active resistor whose out to stick it to the man. announces, "i don't need to do this"

i wait

i've seen this before

thirteen fucking people are going along with it but somehow she's immune. "i got what i need out of the information," she says, "do i really have to do all of this?"

i wait

i outline the point of the exercise again

"so what are you saying, i have to do this?"

yes

walks away and grumbles loudly about the futility of the exercise gradstanding now "you know, if you're going to do this, you really need to.."

you fucking bitch ass whore the mantra running continuously in my mind as she spends the next hour trashing my preparartion, mocking the work

one. one freakin squeaky wheel sucking the life blood of all things positive.

want to give it to her ghetto style but turn on my heel to go back to the buzz of the quiet converts.

So it's not great, really need to edit it but you get the idea. wanted to be a bit more straightforward but caught myself going imus on her and thought it a bit melodramatic. just wanted to testify to the teeth clenching moment where you want to bite the head off the smartass that's out to sabotauge for the sake of it. wanted to capture a sense of how much it sucks to have hard work get overshadowed by somebody else's agenda.